Patreon Song/Poem/Prayer 23 -For Hermes Poikilomêtês

If you want to submit a request for a prayer, poem, or song to be written to you privately or to be posted on this blog or my Patreon for a God, Ancestor, or spirit, sign up for the Ansuz and above level here on my Patreon. This prayer was requested from my third Raiðo supporter for Hermes Poikilomêtês.

The door of Hades swings open for You

The Dead follow You down

You, who lead mighty Heracles to and from the depths

Bless the passing of the Dead

O fleet-footed God

Who blesses the limbs of thieves and pursuers

The hungry soul is fed and the greedy one is denied

Justice given from many ways

Whose eyes are full of stars

The grand cosmos uncoils

The beautiful dance of all things in the Starry Sky

You teach well to astronomer, astrologer, and seeker

Who sees and knows the smallest dance

The microscopic and subatomic in the deepest parts of Earth

The vibrating dance of all things

You teach well to the scientist, the engineer, and seeker

You who knows well the ways

The rivers of the body and the bending of disease to cure

The knitting of flesh, bone, mind, and spirit

You teach well to the doctor, nurse, medic, counselor, and seeker

Teacher, instructor, initiator

Wise and wily beyond reckoning

Counter and clever, ever-reaching for knowledge and wisdom

Hail to You, Hermes Poikilomêtês!

Patreon Topic 22: Ancestor Work and Weregild

If you want to submit a topic you would like me to write on for this blog or my Patreon, sign up for the Uruz or Thurisaz level or above here on my Patreon.

From Stephanie comes this topic:

“In the latest episode (#52) you mentioned weregild. Could you elaborate on what this is and how it might come into play with ancestor work? What a weregild might be? Is it like a big crime(what my google search showed) or can it just be emotional baggage they never dealt with?”

Weregild means “man price”. In ancient Germanic societies this was used to describe the damages paid to a person or their family for harm or death. Weregild applied to all people, and so long as they were of sufficient rank in society they could collect on it. The exception to this case were thralls, slaves, who had no weregild price but whose death or injury were often compensated to their owners.

When I apply the term to Ancestor work I am talking about the weight of debt our Ancestors have accrued to each other and to others through the wrongs they have done. This is not just emotional baggage, though it can include emotional baggage having to be worked through if an Ancestor is refusing to handle an issue because of it. I also need to be clear in that when talking about weregild regarding Ancestor work that I am putting the responsibility to paying it on the Ancestors’ shoulders as They have generated it in the first place and carried the burden of it to us. This is different from ‘the sins of the father shall be visited upon the son’ in the way often taught in modern Christian churches.

Weregild owed by our Ancestors is our problem because the weight of that burden causes turmoil in our Ancestral lines. For example, if our Ancestors stole land, murdered a person, abused people, or caused injuries that were neither corrected or forgiven, They carry that debt with Them. That debt is owed to those who were wronged. Sometimes the wrong is so far back in history we cannot hope to contact a physical descendent of those wronged to pay the weregild, and so, we must seek to have our Ancestors right the wrong in another way. This might be extensive spiritual work on our part, eg sitting two sets of Ancestors down and working out past wrongs with them. We might be called on to heal old divisions between our family lines so that the descendents are reconciled with one another. We might be called on to help raise funds to buy land back that was stolen from a people or a person.

We may have situations where we simply cannot compensate the harm done. This may be because the damage done is so egregious or the harmed party is unwilling to allow a settlement. For cases where the wrong was done to people who are all dead, there certainly are things that can be done. As mentioned previous, we can do our best to compensate those who have survived the wrongs our Ancestors visited upon them. We can ask our Gods of the Dead to liase and work out what we and especially our Ancestors can do so weregild is paid.

The point of weregild is not guilt. Rather, it is to correct the wrongs done so that the harm done does not continue any longer in its effects and the harm done is compensated.

Something to keep in mind with this work is that your Ancestors paying their weregild does not absolve you of the work you need to do in this life, either personally or on Their behalf. Americans still live in a system that institutionally targets BIPOC for state-sanctioned murder, maiming, violence, and ongoing harm besides. Likewise, we still live in a system that institutionally does harm to QUILTBAG+ folks. As if this were not bad enough, the harm often intersects the worst with BIPOC QUILTBAG+ folks. Desired or not, whites, especially straight cis whites, overwhelmingly benefit from this situation. This is not something we can pay to go away. These are interconnected injustices that need to be addressed, fought against.

When we put our Ancestors into healthier positions through the spirit work we can do, They in turn can support us and our families better. When weight of spiritual debt is lifted through the payment of weregild and similar work, it is easier for our Ancestors to render Their aid, to do Their work, and to reweave lost threads between our various families, whether by blood, adoption, lineage, and so on. Our reciprocity to our Ancestors is to help Them to be better, and likewise, this is Their reciprocity to us.

A Prayer to Eir and Mengloth in the Midst of a Pandemic

Hail Eir, Aesir Goddess of health and healing!

Handmaiden Whose hands hold harm at bay

Whose apothecary keeps medicine and magic from every World!

Whose skill in assessment and swift action saves lives

Hail Mengloth, Jotun Goddess of health and healing!

Whose mountain home holds every healing herb

Whose hands have healed every harm

Whose knowledge and wisdom is wide as the Worlds!

Holy Ones, help the medical teams to be careful in their work

Holy Ones, help the analysts to be diligent in their work

Holy Ones, help the communicators to be clear in thought, message, voice, and words

Holy Ones, may each person remember and be able to tend to their health

Holy Ones, may all who can help take care of one another’s health

Holy Ones, may we be cautious as we go forward. Let neither panic nor apathy rule us. Bless us that we may use our wits well, let us keep ourselves and one another safe, and let us make the changes we must make so we may each be healthy and whole.

Hail Eir!

Hail Mengloth!

Ves ðu heil!

A Prayer of Praise to Holy Healers

Hail Mengloth, Jotun Goddess whose hands heal and wisdom preserves health of body, mind, and soul!

Who knows the ways to knit flesh and bone

Who knows the ways to bring vitality and vigor

Who teaches those who listen in the holy arts of healing!

Whose work staunches the blood of wounds

Who guards the lines of the heart so all is kept free from infection

Whose skillful hands knit the skin and flesh that every wound may become a scar

Whose wisdom of herbs and medicine makes every illness become renewed vigor

Thank You for blessing the doctors, nurses, techs, and healers with wisdom, skill, care, and prudence!

Hail Mengloth!  Ves ðu heil!

 

Hail O Eir, Aesir Goddess of the healing hands!

O Wise Goddess who teaches the eager to learn how to heal!

O Battle Medic whose hands have tended the flesh from the bite of wood, bone, bronze, iron, steel, and powder!

O Careful One who brings the healing teams together in purpose!

Thank You! You have blessed the doctors, the nurses, the techs, the healers with care, caution, wisdom and skillful work!

Hail Eir! Ves ðu heil!

 

Io Asklepios, Divine Physician!

Io to the Son of Apollon and Koronis!

Io Kheiron’s Son!

O Wielder of the Serpent-Staff

Whose hands have healed holy and mortal flesh alike

Whose lessons have instructed the countless lines of doctors, nurses, techs, and all those who heal

Whose work has saved the lives of countless people

Whose wisdom has been preserved that the work and art of healing has continued

At Whose side stands Telesphorus that health and recovery are one in healing

Thank You for blessing the doctors, nurses, techs, and staff with knowledge, skill, care, and wisdom!

Io Asklepios! Khairete!

 

O Imhotep, Divine Physician

Whose words and works have blessed the world

In whose hands and heart Thoth worked good blessings

In whose mind and heart was brilliance and its blessings shared with every doctor and physician, every surgeon and assistant

O Wise Teacher, thank You, for Your lessons and writings that taught all who followed and read of You how to heal!

O Divine Physician, thank You, for your skill has blessed the harmed and sick with health and vigor!

O Divine Surgeon, thank You, for Your skill has delivered life from death!

O Supreme Magician, thank you, for Your Words and Works yet give wisdom, yet give insight, yet strive out sickness, and yet heal!

Em Hotep, Dua, Dua Neter en-ek O Imhotep!

Calling to Our Ancestors

Calling to Our Ancestors SplashCalling to Our Ancestors is finally in print and ebook forms, and here in Kindle form. Finally, after four long years.  Hail to the Ancestors, it is finished!

This devotional is dedicated to giving a voice to those roads that honor the Ancestors, and to those who seek the Ancestors. I want to give deep thanks to all of the contributors. You made this possible.

“The Ancestors can be found by many roads: by blood, adoption, the Gods we worship, and the Elements that sustain us. They can be found in the newly or ancient Dead, in the old forests or the candle flame. The devotional is dedicated to giving a voice to those roads, and to those who seek the Ancestors.”

UPDATE: The contributors to this volume are, with links to their blogs and projects:

Ceilidh Chaos

Kenn Day

Bona Dea Lyonesse

Patrick Dunn

Geordie Ingerson

Raven Kaldera

Shauna Aura Knight

Galina Krasskova

Michaela Macha

Robert David Michael

Sarenth Odinsson

Lillith Threefeathers

Joy Wedmedyk

Prayer to the Sacred Fire

First the little slivers, the curled pieces like shaved corkscrews

Next the twigs, dry, snapping with a pop

Now bigger, like wrists cut from arms

Now whole arms and legs

An offering of sacred herbs, a whisper of prayers

Kneeling before the eldest Ancestor not yet arrived

Prayers tumble down, and then the sparks

Striking steel on flint again and again

A little fire alights

Then eats its way across the tinder

I whisper the names of the Fire Gods and hail Fire Itself

Please, please, please come

I whisper the names of the Fire Runes over and over

Please, please, please help to light this Fire

To make it a good fire

A cleansing Fire

A healing Fire

A welcoming Fire

A frithful Fire

A Sacred Fire

Oh Gods of Fire, Loki, Logi, Glut, Surt, Sinmora, please, help me

Oh Ancestors, please, help me

Oh Spirits, please, help me

Oh Fire, please, help me to bring Your heat, Your light, Your power, Your strength

To the people once again

Praying for One Another

Inspired by a conversation with my teacher, and this post, I want anyone and everyone to know, that if ever you want to help me you can pray for me. Even right now. I don’t have to be in crisis. Heck, I would welcome a prayer to help keep me in right relationship, in Gebo with my Gods, Ancestors, spirits, and communities.

Prayer is not insignificant. Even a simple “Please, [God/dess, Ancestor, spirit(s)] be with hir” is a powerful prayer. Letting me know you are praying, for me, is a powerful way of letting me know you care.

In Gebo, gift for a gift, if you need a prayer let me know. If you are going through a hard time, and you are finding it hard to pray, let me know. I will be happy to pray for you. If you would just like me to pray for you, let me know. Let me know what kind of prayers would be useful to you, your life, your situation, and to Whom I can or should pray on your behalf. Otherwise, I will ask the Gods, Ancestors, and spirits, and use my best judgment.

Especially: if you cannot pray or connect to your Dead, your Ancestors, let me know.

I would have no issue keeping a list of people to pray for at my altar, for individual names, or even whole groups. I wouldn’t mind praying for others’ Dead, especially if they cannot keep an active shrine.

I cannot do the praying you need to do in Gebo for your Gods, Ancestors, Dead, and/or spirits, as that is your gift to give, and not mine. If you need help getting started I can help with that; if you are in a ‘dark night of the soul’ and need supportive prayer, I can also give that, but I cannot take your Work from you.

I offer this to the communities I serve, and to the Gods I serve as priest, and in my service as a shaman.

We can, and should pray for one another. Enough of us are in rough spots that we all could use the prayers!

To help aid this I am launching a new page here on my blog.  It will be a space, inspired by NorthernPaganism.org and its many awesome shrines.  The new pages will be made to give a digital prayer wall where people can post prayers as well as prayer requests.  Feel free to share your prayer requests, prayers for me, for each other, for yourselves.  There can never be too much prayer.

Landvaettir

I have heard landvaettir referred to be a number of names; some refer to Them as genus loci, others “the wee Folk” (although they sometimes mean Faeries), and a host of other names.  I experience Them as spirits of place, with faces that They have shown me as varied as the places They are found.  I have found that when I journey or spiritually have a dialogue with Them, the landvaettir on campus take the form of the school’s mascot while the landvaettir around my home are more nebulous, appearing as trees with faces or living earth.  When I travel to cities, sometimes the landvaettir sometimes take the form of what might symbolize it, such as a weathered blue-collar worker for Flint, or a bohemian twenty-something for Ann Arbor.  Then again, depending on where I travel in these cities the landvaettir’s ‘face’ may change.

I first came to work with landvaettir when I was first starting as a Pagan, mostly through the book Urban Primitive by Raven Kaldera and Tann Schwartzstein.  I was living in Flint at the time, and the landvaettir were loud, active, and stirred up.  The very thought of going out and talking to Them, that They could show me a ‘face’, hadn’t occurred to me till I read the book.  Then, I began speaking with the landvaettir of Flint, really getting to know it.  I didn’t have a car at first, and I was living on campus going to college at Baker.  The spirit showed me a kind of weathered blue-collar worker, which in reflection makes sense since Flint was the birthplace of the sit-down strikes and was home to a lot of production.  The city used to have a place in it called Buick City for Gods’ sakes.  Well, in my end of the bargain with the landvaettir around the campus, I kept up the campus by picking up trash where I found it and give to the homeless that would occasionally hang around campus.  In return It/They helped keep me safe and keep other spirits off of me.  It was with this spirit that I first learned how to bargain and negotiate, and how to scratch a spirit’s back so it would scratch mine in turn.  I also learned why speaking with the spirit of a place was important before you do magic.  I did magic on campus, ignorant that I should even ask the spirits prior to doing so.  When I finally did, it was much more effective, and came to fruition faster and with greater effect.  Through the landvaettir of Flint, I learned of basic reciprocation with spirits, how to actually do offerings other than leaving out food.  This turned out to be good, since I didn’t have a lot of food to spare, and it seemed the spirit(s) liked my offerings of doing stuff like cleaning up and helping out better anyhow.  It had enough litter and stuff floating around.  People used to throw carts from shopping areas into local creeks and leave food and wrappers around all the time.

Landvaettir have helped me a lot over the years, whether it has been to find my way when I was lost in a city (good thing; this happens from time to time), food, or even money when I really needed it for parking.  Being kind to the landvaettir and giving Them your ear can do a lot of good; you might find things you never would have otherwise, and They finally feel listened to, something a lot of people in general simply don’t do.  By paying attention, running some errands for Them, or simply helping to take care of Their space, there is a lot you and the vaettir can gain.  Imagine how happy it would make you to have a random stranger come up to you after a long, rough day, and ask “How can I help?”  The gratitude, at least for me, is immediate, and I want to know how I can help the person in turn when they’ve helped me.

Lately, my home’s landvaettir and I have developed a closer relationship given I’m now living back at home and am working in the garden.  This last Friday I harvested the first asparagus harvest.  I gave prayers to the landvaettir, thanking Them for such a beautiful bounty, and praised Them and Freyr (whom I associate with the vegetable due to its phallic shape and reputation as an aphrodisiac) as I was harvesting, thanking each individual plant’s vaettir and the vaettir of asparagus Itself.   I had given offerings of food at the oak that is a little ways from the garden the night before.  There is Gebo, gift-for-a-gift, in these things.  By taking care of the plants, and by being allowed to harvest, by giving offerings and prayers and accepting help from the spirits, the cycles of gifts continues to turn, and relationships grow even closer.  When I eat now, I pray to the landvaettir both here, and wherever my food comes from.  The former, I pray to in thanks for the home, for warmth, the ability to live in this modern world alongside Them, and the latter landvaettir, I thank because it is from Them that this food comes.  It is from both that I am able to type to you, to live a modern life, to go to school and better myself.  Yet I do not forget the people who harvested the food or cooked it; everyone deserves their praise in turn, everyone who allows our lives to be as they are is worthy of remembrance.  As Odin said: “Cattle die, kinsman die/but I know what never dies/He who gets himself a good name”.  How seldom do people praise the lands from where their food comes from; how seldom people recognize that other human beings grew, harvested, and brought the massive amounts of food we have to us.  We lionize combat but do not praise the growing of food.  I can tell you this: in my own experience it is far easier to throw a competent punch than grow your own food.  I also know which one will allow me to live longer, too.

This is not to denigrate those who choose to give their of their lives in military service; that has a place.  Yet I have heard relatively little praise for the myriad of people who bring us the food we eat.  It was only until I started reading Lupa’s blog that I even considered working with Food Totems.  From that I thought “Well, if I can honor the spirits of the animals who have died so I can live, I can do it with the plants, and I can do it with the people too.”  Though I haven’t started talking to anyone or thing analogous to the Chicken Totem from, say, the people who farm, the prayers I give and the prayers I teach my son to give don’t only praise our Gods, but the beings, from spirit, from root to flesh, from flesh to flesh, that make our meals possible.  This, in my view, resacralizes all the landvaettir, not just the ones that exist with us in our homes and properties.  Cutting ourselves off from our part, to thank those who make this life possible and doing what we can to make those spirits and lives better in the long run, cuts off Gebo.  They help to give us the gift of life; shouldn’t our return be more than words?

I say this as a person who is, as of right now, making no income.  Sometimes magic, prayers and my signature are all I have.  Yet all of these are powerful, and should be treated as such.  My signature can be the start or continuation of an avalanche of change, or a whisper of a promise to a future generation.  My magic can be a powerful catalyst, or progenitor of change.  My prayers can give word to the wordless, praise to the unappreciated, recognition and immortality to those who would die in ignominy.  So could any one person.

Working with the landvaettir is part of my work as a shaman and priest; I am able to live by Them, and They are able to have greater impact in this world because I listen to Them and do things with and for Them.  I hope it is something that more people, whether or not you’re a priest, or someone who just likes to garden, will take up.  Having a vibrant relationship with the land makes it come even more alive, makes the Sacred that more immanent because you truly are finding it because you’re looking for it everywhere.  Our Wyrd ties into all things, and vice versa; by feeling those threads and acknowledging them we can allow understanding, healing, or simple recognition for its own sake to come into our lives.  Sometimes we do not need to do anything, except acknowledge something or someone, be thankful for it, and honor the spirit or person for their undertaking.  Sometimes we don’t even need to do that; sometimes the hardest thing we can do is simply get the hell out of the way and let things happen as they need to.  In harvesting to asparagus recently I had instances where the landvaettir asked me not to cut down certain stalks, but to simply let them grow.  To leave them be.  Sometimes I thought I knew better, and harvested a stalk because “well, I think that’s long enough and I probably didn’t hear right” and found out later the stalk wasn’t ready to harvest.  Mercifully it was only a few; the landvaettir sometimes up the ‘volume’ for me to hear when my head is chattering.  Other times, They wait for me to get the clue and take a breath and listen.

Sometimes receiving a message from a landvaettir vastly harder than it is from a God or Ancestor.  The latter two are much more ‘close’ to myself as a human being, whereas I find that landvaettir are sometimes composite spirits or overarching spirits that comes together from the energy around an area, like Flint’s blue-collar person or Ann Arbor’s bohemian.  Other times, the landvaettir are a single sizeable spirit of an area, such as an old oak or swath of grass, and can be rather alien in their imagery or symbols, or hard to understand because They use mental language and metaphor that is far different than what I am used to.  Sometimes, as with the first type, it is that the composite isn’t quite sure what it wants to communicate, or there is a cacophony effect that occurs because there are so many voices.  Sometimes, as with the second type, the message is jumbled because we’re operating on different frequencies where thought and understanding are centered.  Other times, the landvaettir and I just don’t have a deep or strong enough connection to have a decent rapport like my Gods or Ancestors do with me.

There is a lot of feeling out that gets done when I first have contact with landvaettir in meditation or journey work.  At least a third of the time I tend to spend figuring out the symbols or communication methods the landvaettir use, another third to establish rapport, and the last third to actually hear the message.  Of course, this varies with differing vaettir; I find it easier to ‘get’ city landvaettir because They are more used to human concepts, whereas landvaettir of wild can be hard to interpret due to differences in perspective or downright hostile due to other humans’ treatment of an area or its inhabitants.  Sometimes just thinking about Treebeard from The Lord of the Rings helps put this in perspective for me.  You’re communicating with a Being that may be pretty old comparative to you, and/or who may have seen a lot of change, chaotic and sometimes pollutive change, wrought by our species for the last hundred or so years.  Yet you might be talking to a relatively young spirit, one that’s grown up with the town around you, or the street.  One that could be empowered by the attention, or devastated by the blight, or alternatively feeding on it and causing it to grow.  Sometimes you simply don’t encounter landvaettir that want to play nice; sometimes you do, and They’ll not only be willing to talk, but really help you.  By treating these spirits with the same respect as I, an individual would want, I tend to have a better rapport and time in the places where They live and I frequent.

In my view, thinking of yourself as a guest in Their homes helps put things into a healthy perspective.  In the Northern Tradition hospitality is one of the watchwords.  If I act a fool and trash the place (i.e. breaking limbs off trees just because I can and littering) why would They want to know me any more, or work with me, or allow my magic to reach its intended destination?  I sure wouldn’t.  Again, this all come back to Gebo.  The gift of respect is the gift you often receive.  A lot of books tend to treat Nature spirits, and landvaettir as these cute little beings who are just so happy to help you and achieve x, y, or z.  More often than not I find that a lot of spirits around me just want to live in relative peace, as opposed to conflict.  It is in their self-interest to have a good relationship with us, just as it is for us to have the same with Them.  It isn’t that They can’t be cute; some are, and others aren’t.  Not all Nature is pretty, and not all Nature’s critters are pretty.  I happen to deeply hate mosquitoes as a specie, while They seem to absolutely love my blood.  I can barely walk around in summer without having little mosquito bumps creep from my toes (if I don’t wear shoes) all the way up and down my body in clusters of little bite-bumps.  I despise these vaettir.  They may be part of my Wyrd, and I can respect Them for that, but I don’t have to like Them.  Yet it is in my interest to have a good relationship with Them.  After all, if I can cut a deal with Them my bites may not be as bad.  Our Wyrd may be tied together, but I believe there is wiggle room for negotiating the threads between us.

The landvaettir in my life have been great teachers, even the openly hostile ones.  Many have taught me different aspects of my spirituality, from connecting to the Earth, to what happens to the vaettir when humans trash and energetically drag an area down.  Some have brought me to spiritual teachers themselves, whereas others help to provide for my physical needs.  There is always something to be learned in our relationships with others.  There is always some balance that needs to be struck, and when it is, the ripples of that balance can be felt through the threads of orlog (personal Wyrd) through to the universal Wyrd.  Landvaettir are the spirits of the land; They are at once part of and closest to the land we walk on, the food we eat, the clothing we make, the world we change.   They are part of Midgard as much as we are.  If we are to live side-by-side, then treating Them with respect and dignity, being hospitable to Them and expecting the same in return is part of us living together in this world.  Healing where we can, helping where we can, and having the same done in turn generates the gifts all of us can continue to give and receive long into the future.  To me, living incommunion with this world and all its Beings is so much more rich than living apart.  My relationships and work with the landvaettir, though a part of my life, is an important part that stretches into my everyday life.  Hopefully, as time goes on, more will honor our spiritual cohabitants and treat Them with the respect They deserve.  In healing our relationships with the world around us, we can more effectively heal our world.

Failing Your Community

You know when you screw up big.  You screw up so monumentally huge that you barely see it coming.  You’re stuck in your own consensus-trance, convinced you’re doing fine and doing right be people.  Reality slaps you in the face like a sledgehammer.  I’m writing this because the community I belong to hold me to standards.  I’m writing this because I hold myself, and any Pagan leader to standards.  I failed that community through hubris, stepping on people, and making them feel small.  I failed that community by letting my insecurity and emotion rule, rather than stick to what I should have been doing: serving others.  I failed as a shaman, as a Pagan, as a friend, and even as a lover.  This community, rather than saying “Don’t ever come back” is being generous, and willing enough to give me a second chance.  Part of my deal with them, in seeing me through this transformation process from where I am, to where I am better, is to chronicle it.

It may seem odd that they would want to chronicle it, or that I would be willing to write about it.  As I’ve said here many times, I’ve hoped this blog would help people.  Perhaps by writing about what I’ve done, how I’ve hurt people, and how I hope to correct it, I can help other people avoid the mistakes, negligence, and poor choices I’ve made.  Perhaps by writing about what I’ve done, what I’m doing, and what I’ll do, I can help myself heal and make myself a better person.  It may not make everything better; the kinds of hurt I’ve given to people through my action don’t just spontaneously heal.

I’ll be blunt: I’ve damaged my hamingja, my group luck or spiritual force, if not outright destroyed it.  I did trance-possession work on a regular basis with my group.  That eventually became tainted with my ego, and people have seen more of me than the Gods especially lately in that work.  I did trance-possession work for my lover on a regular basis and she feels betrayed by this.  I can hardly blame her; I was supposed to step out of the way, facilitate a true and honest connection to deity.  I’ve failed.  I’ve hurt people, made them suspicious of my motives, and may have damaged peoples’ perspectives of the practice.  To the spirit-workers, shamans, and others out there who have struggled to make a good name for this incredible spiritual work, I apologize, and know that the apology is not enough.  I hope through my work to fix at least some of the damage I’ve done.  I say the same to those whose materials and training I’ve used in my work.  I have also made people feel inferior, hurt peoples feelings needlessly, and demonstrated a lack of caring toward people who, given I am in a leadership position, should be serving and taking care of before my inferiority issues or wants.  Over the next six or so months I’ll be doing a lot of introspection, healing, personal work, and whatever other work I need to do to fix this so it won’t happen again.

I don’t really look to my Gods to forgive me.  Odin, and most of my Gods and spirit allies don’t really deal in forgiveness.  Most of my Gods deal in doing, in action.  Redeeming myself is more important than forgiveness, which, as the Merriam-Webster dictionary points out means “to give up resentment of or claim to requital” and “forgive a debt”.   So these posts will be more geared toward these ideas, thoughts, and actions.  I’ll reach out for commentary from the community around me, as well as the Gods and spirits, to help me do better and be more.

I cannot go onto public forums and cry out about how we need to hold leaders to a higher standard without holding myself, or being held, to a higher standard myself.  As time goes on, I hope to rise to that standard again.  Perhaps in the meantime I will be an example of what not to do.  I hope in the meantime I’ll be an example of healing, not just of myself, but especially of a community with a single leader with his head in the wrong place.