Fast: Day Three
Today was a lot of kicking back and relaxing, much to my surprise. It wasn’t until later in the day that Odin and I began to work on things. Usually my Wednesdays are days I set aside for silence, meditation and communication with Him. He told me to take a break today, no questions asked. So I wrote on forums, played World of Warcraft, and watched TV until later in the day, when He finally told me what He wanted me to do with Him. It came rather sudden as I sat in the basement on my computer. I bolted up. It felt like lightning had been shot through me.
My folks were getting ready for work, and He began to tell me things He wanted me to take out to the garage rapid-fire. I headed out into the garage with one of my testing needles, two clean, unblemished and uncrinkled sheets of paper, my copy of Wyrdwalkers, the pen I was using to write the Hávamál-style poem we are writing, the notebook the poem is in, a year-old bottle of wine from Samhain, and my iPod. He told me there to purify and sanctify the area, to lock it down tight for the work we would be doing. At first I was confused, since He had neither mentioned nor even hinted at anything. I did it anyway, similar to how I had done the previous night, taking the extra step of ‘locking down’ the door from the house to the garage. Once the wards were in place, I went back to the altar. This time, though, the candles were pink on the left, blue on the right, and purple in the middle. He told me I would get later why He had me give the pink as Ve.
As the smoke rose from the charcoal, I put down Mugwort onto it, and cleansed myself with the smoke. Something felt…off. It felt odd, like the world was slightly tilted. As I continued to cleanse myself, I breathed deep, and put a dab of the wine onto my Ancestors’ statue, then Odin’s. The tilted feeling was still there, but it felt good. Then, at Odin’s request, I brought some of the wine into my mouth, swished it, and spat it out outside onto the ground, as He said, to share the wine with my Him and my Ancestors without actually drinking it, and offering a bit of myself to the landvaettir. My mouth tingled a bit from it when I came back in, and looked to the altar. He told me it was time, and to grab a chair. So I brought one with me up to the altar, and sat before it.
Odin gave me a quick explanation, and demanded I start right away after telling me to put on The Lord of the Ring’s The Council of Elrond. The song hit me immediately…I started to trance, and heard Him ask “What is the first thing you would get rid of?” and I wrote the Rune for it. I kept writing Runes, losing track of time, until I had everything I could think of. All the personal flaws I wanted to fix or let go of, all the problems I wanted to move through or remove as obstacles. I checked the bindrune against my bag of Runes, and when They were satisfied, He told me why I needed the needle. The Runework would not be complete without a bloodbond to it. I sterilized and blessed the needle by the three candles’ flames, and poked my right index finger as He asked. Then, He asked more of me: to give blood from each of my fingers to this, to seal up this bindrune with blood from all of them. I did this, and when I finished I turned the paper over, and wrote my first name, Sarenth, in blood Runes. I wanted these problems gone. I wanted to move through these things, Hel or high water. In thanks to Her taking on the dead parts of me, I smeared blood from my left index finger across Her skull’s teeth and mouth.
Then, Odin had me change the music to loop Hagalaz’ Runedance’s The Soul of a Hound, and still somewhat tranced, He told me to put the paper, folded up in a specific way on the charcoal disk. Then, He had me pick up Wyrdwalkers for some bibliomancy. A section on controlling and using my breath popped up on the first reading, and the second, a section on hamingja, and regaining it. I took this as a sign: I had to help the paper burn. As I breathed in long, slow breaths, I could feel the Runes pulling things from my spirit bodies, could feel the blood pulling out the inequities I felt towards myself, and as my blood Rune letters burnt, I felt a release, something of joy and relief mixed with a feeling of at last! The paper crinkled into white and black powder on the disk, and I breathed a long, deep sigh.
Odin’s voice pierced my reflective relief, and I grabbed the other clean sheet of paper. For this, He had me turn on Hagalaz’ Runedance’s Labyrinth. On this piece of paper, He told me to write all of the Runes that I wanted to bring into my life. After a long while, double-checking with Rune pulls from my bag, I had it done. I will post a picture of the bindrune that resulted from Him and I working together some time soon. This, He told me it would not be necessary to bleed for it because these were what I would be working on for the next year and may need to change as time went on. The idea was not to get locked into these changes quite yet, from what I remember Him saying.
Once this was done, He instructed me to dump the ashes out of the censer into a palm-sized brass bowl I had on the altar, and to take the ashes outside and offer them to the land. It was just starting to rain; I could hear it coming down from the roof. The charcoal disk smoke and hissed when the rainwater hit it, sending little sparks that extinguished as soon as they left the brass bowl. As I neared a tree, He told me to dump the contents right on the ground. I balked; why couldn’t I just put them under the tree and offer them like normal? Then a bolt of lightning arced across the sky. I heard, very clearly, “Offer them and go!”, in an angry voice. I dumped the ashes onto the ground, stomping out any little bits of stray hot charcoal disk, and hoofed it inside. The storm was really getting going as I got inside, and winds hit the house loudly. My heart was pumping hard, but I was grateful that I had listened when I did. He chuckled and said “There’re reasons I say what I do to you.” I apologized, and blew out what remained of the candles. I prayed, thanking Hela and Odin for working with me. I heard what, energetically, felt like a quiet nod of acceptance from Her. She tends to have a more subtle ‘feel’ to me than other Gods, and I have to strain at times to ‘hear’ Her. Odin accepted my apology, but didn’t stop chuckling even as I came downstairs to write this.
I think what hit me about as much as the Rune magic did, is how simple it was. Compared to previous experiences I’ve had with working like this, this rite was relatively uncomplicated, and yet it hit me hard. I feel like I was lead through some Runic restructuring of my soul. I’m still settling into how this feels, like a newness tinged with relief. It’s kind of like when you move into a new place, and all the furniture is finally arranged and you’re unpacked…that…”Ahh” kind of feel. I think that’s what is closest to it. I’m glad it happened. It sucked while I was making the bindrunes for all the things I wanted to let go of, having to dredge up painful memories and little niggling problems and doubts. I feel lighter, better for it. The challenge ahead will be to bring the new Runes I’ve written into my life, and to move forward. He refuses to tell me anything about any more upcoming rites or magic. Perhaps that’s for the best; approaching these things raw has let me detach myself from them a lot easier, and has given me a lot less in the way of defenses when I’m hit with old traumas or problems. I guess in a way, this sacrifice and moving forward is what I’ve needed for a long time. I’m glad Odin is helping to lead me on this journey.